You have broken me all the way down

Posted by Cory , Monday, March 30, 2009 7:30 PM

Was instructed by Starbuck to blog something. Here goes.

Seriously, I am loving spring break. I didn't have to pick up T until 11 this morning. 11! I sat in my pajamas and drank my coffee and read the paper. Then I worked 11-3 and came home! It was brilliant. I know a few of my coworkers are bored with the break already because it's hard to think of things to do with the kids, especially since the weather has been so crummy, but I'm enjoying it. There's no middle school, no severely autistic kids, no 7:30 am.

Still don't entirely know if my vacation request for Ireland was approved. My boss tends to hang onto them and work out the coverage details on the same form, and she hasn't specifically told me that it's not been approved, but I'm still a little nervous. Maybe it won't get the OK and I'll have to quit and that will be the catalyst for the job change I've been toying with! Oh, but let's not think about that. That would be a little sad.

Finding new ways to be awed each minute

Posted by Cory , Tuesday, March 24, 2009 7:29 PM

I suck at saving. Well, saving money, that is. Any random paper that might one day be useful for a mere two seconds? Got it. But I can't hold on to money to save my life (or something less dramatic). I've definitely improved my skills over the years, to be sure. I have a vivid memory of being... oh, maybe in second grade or so and trying so hard to try and scrape together $20 because I wanted a super cool clock radio just like the one my older brother had (a clock radio which, by the way, I still have and use. Wow).

When I first moved to CDA, I had a few financial close calls; ten bucks an hour doesn't add up to be quite as much as the pesky rent/other expenses (you know, like food), so I've tried extra hard since then to hang on to my money. And I've done a pretty good job! Passing the IBI exam and getting a 70% raise (how do you like them math skills) didn't hurt, either. Anywho, the point: I'm wrestling with a spend-it-or-save-it dilemma. I do have a big trip to Ireland coming up that I need to save for. But I just got my tax return! But the responsible thing to do would be to lay off the spending, since I just bought tickets to see Death Cab and Cold War Kids (eee!) next month. But the things I want now are on sale! But do you really need them? But look how cute this scarf is! And these earrings! And this hat! I love hats!

I dunno. It was blog about this or clean.

Posted by Cory , Saturday, March 21, 2009 6:45 PM

Saturday of the 3rd week of Lent

First reading

Hosea 5:15-6:6

The Lord says this:
They will search for me in their misery.
‘Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces, but he will heal us;
he has struck us down, but he will bandage our wounds;
after a day or two he will bring us back to life,
on the third day he will raise us
and we shall live in his presence.
Let us set ourselves to know the Lord;
that he will come is as certain as the dawn
his judgement will rise like the light,
he will come to us as showers come,
like spring rains watering the earth.’

What am I to do with you, Ephraim?
What am I to do with you, Judah?
This love of yours is like a morning cloud,
like the dew that quickly disappears.
This is why I have torn them to pieces by the prophets,
why I slaughtered them with the words from my mouth,
since what I want is love, not sacrifice;
knowledge of God, not holocausts.

Create your own subject line

Posted by Cory , Monday, March 16, 2009 8:59 PM

Occasionally, I let my imagination run a little wild. I picture myself moving to the DC area to be nearer to my college friends. I imagine taking a trip to New York, falling in love with the city and staying for a few years. In what may be the most plausible fantasy (not that that's saying much), my upcoming trip to Ireland includes a chance meeting in a pub that turns out to be a major life event. Like I said, I tend to exaggerate these daydreams. The common thread in these is, of course, moving across the country (or the ocean). That makes me wonder.

What would that do to my family? What about the friends I've finally managed to make here in Idaho? Would I be strong enough to put that much distance between myself and home? I did it once when I left for Ohio, knowing all the while that it was only temporary. Maybe I'm just burned out and living for spring break, but these days I seem to find myself daydreaming more and more. I've been toying with the idea of a job change and/or grad school for a few months now. A radical job change, at that: something completely unrelated to autism or IBI. Now that I've finished my project and turned it into my supervisor, I wonder what's keeping me at FSS. Okay, granted, I want to wait and find out if I passed my project and reap the benefit that comes along with that (who doesn't love a raise?), but what about after that? As it is, I'll cap out at $20 an hour and that's the end of that as long as I work at Family Support.

Thinking about possibilities leads my mind down another path: what does God have planned for me? I feel like I might be called to marriage, but to be honest, I'm terrified to discern any other vocation. For so long, I've always planned on getting married one day, but maybe that's not my true vocation. I often imagine (there's that word again) what my PostSecret would say. It's changed several times as my secrets have changed, but currently it says something along these lines: The idea of never getting married no longer scares me. What scares me now is that I'm 23 and have no trouble accepting that. Do with that what you will, but yeah, I'm scared. The future is uncertain, and that's incredibly uncomfortable for me.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, if the future is so up in the air, what's stopping me from picking up and making some radical life change (aside from the aforementioned family and friends worries)? Who's to say I wouldn't love DC, or New York, or Ireland? Then again, why is a cross-country move the first solution I entertain when I find myself in a thoughtful mood like this? Who knows.

............................

In other news, I'm feeling much more comfortable at St. Joan of Arc than I ever did at St. Thomas. Definitely the right move there. Traditional Catholics are a kick sometimes, man. What a 180 from Mass in Post Falls. AND, I haven't run into Brian yet, so that's cool. Oh, the awkwardness that would ensue.

No music=no cryptic subject line

Posted by Cory , Saturday, March 14, 2009 12:05 PM

To do this weekend:

-Finish my IBI project (at last!)
-Clean the house/unpack already
-Go to the library
-Go running
-Go to confession
-Plan meals for the next week or two
-Go to the grocery store
-Take some stuff to Goodwill
-Hit up Harmony Yarn in CDA so I can finish Claire's scarf
-Bake bread, make applesauce
-Get a haircut?

It was we who were the cliche but we carried on anyway

Posted by Cory , Tuesday, March 10, 2009 3:28 PM

Spring Break Countdown: 15 days. I need to get away from middle schoolers like you wouldn't believe. Nothing drives me closer to the brink of uttering profanities (as opposed to just cursing at them in my head) than inconsiderate 12-year-olds. If I get run over by one more seventh grader who's too busy texting the person walking DIRECTLY NEXT TO THEM I will snap. Look for me on the news.

Today's redeeming moment: Sitting in the hammock swing with K for ten minutes at the end of the day, tickling her tummy while we swing back and forth and side to side. So cute sometimes! Yeah, I know, she's 12 and is probably too old to be sitting on my lap at all, but come on: her developmental age is way, way below her chronological age. And she's so freaking adorable when she wants to be.

Have officially become obsessed with baking my own bread. I bitterly took a slice of store-bought bread to work to eat with my soup today, even though I made three loaves on Sunday, because the saver in me cannot bear the thought of wasting four dumb slices of whole-wheat bread from Wal-Mart. BUT. I think I have Handsy on board with not buying bread anymore. Because I will bake every weekend. It's so soothing to me. And the outcome is so enjoyable. So, so good.

Tonight, I will:
1. Work on my project (due Monday! Eep!)
2. Paint my nails
3. Work on Inadequate's scarf
4. Try to find the motivation to finally unpack all the way (Don't judge me. The only stuff left to be unpacked is some random kitchen stuff and books. I swear!)

Just the same as the last time

Posted by Cory , Saturday, March 7, 2009 3:53 PM

Haven't done the Friday Five in ages, but what better way to procrastinate?

1. When you're sick do you tend to call in sick and stay home or tough it out and go to work or school?
I rarely, if ever, call in sick. I'm congested about 95% of the time anyway, so it takes a lot for me to decide that I can't work. I almost called in Thursday, though. If I were to get the flu or something more serious than a cold, I'd more than likely call in. I do remember skipping a day of classes at Franciscan once.

2. Do you have any favorite medicine that you like to take while sick?
My standard cocktail of Sudafed and Advil. If I can feel a cold coming on (meaning I have a scratchy throat), I take Zicam every three hours and it seems to help.

3. When you're sick is there a certain food or drink that makes you feel better? If yes what?
Tea, tea, and more tea.

4. Do you take anything daily to prevent you from getting sick? (Vitamins, Emergen-C etc)
I try to remember to take Airborne, because I work with kids, but I usually fail at remembering to take it on a regular basis.

5. When you're sick do you have any comforting items that you like to have? ( a certain blanket, pillow, or clothing)
Just my sweats and my bed.

Get up, get up, fire up the system

Posted by Cory , Tuesday, March 3, 2009 3:56 PM

I was talking to my project supervisor today (who was at school to tape me for said project) and she asked about my scapular, which was peeking up above my collar. As it turns out, she's also Catholic, and she and her family go to St. Joan of Arc in CDA, which is a traditional Latin Mass parish. I ended up explaining my issues with St. George's to her, and she completely understood where I was coming from. It was so refreshing! In talking to her, I think I've pretty much made up my mind to drive to CDA on Sundays to go to St. Joan. I think that's the closest thing I'll find to Franciscan around here (in terms of reverence and respect for the Eucharist, at least). So, woo!

IBI Project Countdown: 13 days.

Ireland Countdown: 68 days.

Have been reading many, many food blogs as of late. I blame my sister-in-law Starbuck and Mo for encouraging this. But I won't hold it against them. Speaking of food, going running has worked up an appetite...

The daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you

Posted by Cory , Sunday, March 1, 2009 3:23 PM

Many sleeps ago, my dad had a t-shirt that read, "When all else fails, manipulate the data".

Working on my project is flashing me back to that shirt.