I thought our story was epic

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Posted by Cory , Monday, March 16, 2009 8:59 PM

Occasionally, I let my imagination run a little wild. I picture myself moving to the DC area to be nearer to my college friends. I imagine taking a trip to New York, falling in love with the city and staying for a few years. In what may be the most plausible fantasy (not that that's saying much), my upcoming trip to Ireland includes a chance meeting in a pub that turns out to be a major life event. Like I said, I tend to exaggerate these daydreams. The common thread in these is, of course, moving across the country (or the ocean). That makes me wonder.

What would that do to my family? What about the friends I've finally managed to make here in Idaho? Would I be strong enough to put that much distance between myself and home? I did it once when I left for Ohio, knowing all the while that it was only temporary. Maybe I'm just burned out and living for spring break, but these days I seem to find myself daydreaming more and more. I've been toying with the idea of a job change and/or grad school for a few months now. A radical job change, at that: something completely unrelated to autism or IBI. Now that I've finished my project and turned it into my supervisor, I wonder what's keeping me at FSS. Okay, granted, I want to wait and find out if I passed my project and reap the benefit that comes along with that (who doesn't love a raise?), but what about after that? As it is, I'll cap out at $20 an hour and that's the end of that as long as I work at Family Support.

Thinking about possibilities leads my mind down another path: what does God have planned for me? I feel like I might be called to marriage, but to be honest, I'm terrified to discern any other vocation. For so long, I've always planned on getting married one day, but maybe that's not my true vocation. I often imagine (there's that word again) what my PostSecret would say. It's changed several times as my secrets have changed, but currently it says something along these lines: The idea of never getting married no longer scares me. What scares me now is that I'm 23 and have no trouble accepting that. Do with that what you will, but yeah, I'm scared. The future is uncertain, and that's incredibly uncomfortable for me.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, if the future is so up in the air, what's stopping me from picking up and making some radical life change (aside from the aforementioned family and friends worries)? Who's to say I wouldn't love DC, or New York, or Ireland? Then again, why is a cross-country move the first solution I entertain when I find myself in a thoughtful mood like this? Who knows.

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In other news, I'm feeling much more comfortable at St. Joan of Arc than I ever did at St. Thomas. Definitely the right move there. Traditional Catholics are a kick sometimes, man. What a 180 from Mass in Post Falls. AND, I haven't run into Brian yet, so that's cool. Oh, the awkwardness that would ensue.

Posted in musings and worries